Criticism: The Great Polarizer

A couple years ago I was on an online forum (I would like to note that this forum had nothing to do with politics).  Nearly all of the posts were of a general mindset that I understood, but did not agree.  I decided to post my opinion on the matter, to broaden the subject and make people think.  Apparently that was the wrong thing to do on that forum.

My thoughts, intended to do no more than to make people see a different side of things, were crucified. Many of the forum's posters were shooting my opinion down quite harshly, calling me very unmentionable things, and inserted many infuriating comments about my mother (who had nothing to do with said post).

I, in turn, became enraged with their comments (the ones about my mother still piss me off).  All I had wanted to do was put in, in my opinion, a valid point to counter the seemingly overwhelming support of a different one.  I don't like conflict, I just think it becomes dangerous to have no counters to an opinion.  But I was treated as if I was suggesting something horrible.  I reposted, called them all bigots and dirtbags (but of course with more colorful words) and have not been back to the forum since.

Indeed, it was not my first nor my last experience of the sort.  I'm sure many of you have experienced this in one form of another.  At some point in our lives, somebody is going to tell us that they don't like the way we are going about something and give us something called criticism.

Criticism is not inherently bad.  It can be quite good.  It all depends on how you go about it.  Call someone a stupid fish (think about it*) the next time you think they are wrong.  See what happens.  I can guarantee that they won't be happy.  There is nothing like an insult to polarize someone to your way of thinking.  Is a person more likely to listen to you if attack their beliefs (and by extension, who they are)?  I think not.

If you really want to change someone's mind, or at least get them to think about a different way of things, you must first encourage them.  People react well to people telling them they have something right.  After you have them with a feeling of having accomplished something, you then tell them how they can make themselves better.  Everyone wants to improve themselves in some way, and encouragement goes a long way.  This, your veiled criticism, will be infinitely more effective than calling someone stupid.

Try it sometime.  If the posters of the previously mentioned forum had told me that, while my thoughts were good, but this is why we do it this way, I would have been insulted a great deal less.

Am I saying people should be coddled?  Of course not.  I hate, abhor, and flat out despise today's culture of handing things to people on a fluffy silver platter, not daring to do anything that might make someone even a pinch unhappy (I plan on posting about this at an unspecified date).  If someone is being a hateful douchebag, it is good to put them in their place.

But the general populace can be reasonable.  So the next time you feel like criticizing someone, find out what they are doing good, and then give them a chance to improve themselves.  If they follow your advice, congratulations.  You've just made someone's life better.

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts, you don't have to listen to them.

Life changing? Probably not.

Interesting? Perhaps.

Do with them what you will.  They are my thoughts.

Just thoughts.


*for those of you who were still wondering, stupid = dumb, and fish = bass.  Put them together. Now say them.  There you go.